Category Archives: Changes

Living with InvisAbility

It is estimated that 1 in 2 people in the U.S. have a chronic medical condition and 96% of these people live with an Invisible Disease (JP Thierry 2013).

An Invisible Disease is an umbrella term for a disease or condition that is not visibly noticeable – a hidden condition, which can cause severe pain, cognitive impairments, extreme fatigue, constant illnesses, depression, or a variety of other impairments.

Living with an invisible disorder often creates the added challenge of dealing with people’s perception of how one should look or act.  The stigma of many invisible diseases leads to the misconception that one is, or should appear, feeble and unkempt, or unruly.  When people do not fall into the perceived vision, their diagnosis and symptoms are often doubted by family, friends, and sometimes doctors. 

Many who are challenged with an invisible disease still desire to live productive and beneficial lives in spite of their condition.  This mind-set is frequently not accepted, and in some cases creates stress, which can aggravate symptoms.  

My husband and I understand all too well this stigma and how much it can hurt.  I am Laurie and I have dementia (early-onset Alzheimer’s and Fronto-Temporal Dementia).  My husband, Roy, has an immune deficiency disease that prevents his body from producing anti-bodies (Common Variable Immune Deficiency).  We both deal with conditions that usually are not readily apparent.

Together, we are Care Partners, Advocates for the Education and Awareness of Invisible Diseases as well as best friends. Together, we work to find strategies to help me maintain some of my independence and to avoid situations that may exacerbate my symptoms.

And we work together to avoid exposing him to conditions that may comprise his immune system – which has been very challenging with COVID!  Together, we decided to celebrate our 40 Wedding Anniversary at home alone because it was the best way to shield both of our conditions.

Roy, Laurie, and Lil’Dawg

The Invisible Me – dementia is like a roller coaster. Thankfully, on most days, my cognitive abilities are pretty good. As long as I don’t have to do any kind of math, write a check or remember a lot of things, I can function independently.

Then there are the other days, like when I was lost coming out of the restroom at a restaurant and wandering down the street not knowing where I was. Or when I was lost on the boardwalk, unable to figure out how to use my cell phone. Or when I forgot how to make a bed, select clothing, or where the bathroom was in my own home. There are times I forget how to talk or walk. These are the “invisible me” times we try to shelter.

The Invisible Roy – four-hour infusions every Tuesday. Four years ago, Roy could not walk up our driveway without needing to sit down at least once. For the second year in a row, he had pneumonia three times. He was sick for 111 days that year. He slept about 15 hours per day. I was watching him fade away, and it was breaking me in half.

The doctors first blamed it on Crohn’s Disease, which was a 27-year misdiagnosis. Then it was suggested that perhaps he was depressed. Finally, I had enough and took him to Penn State Hershey, and the doctor’s found his true diagnosis. They were amazed that he even walked in the door because his anti-bodies were zero.

Now, every Tuesday, I “stab” Roy five times (it’s just a tiny little needle), and he sits through a 4 to 6-hour infusion of globulin to put anti-bodies into his body. Since anti-bodies fight the bad bacteria in the intestines and his body doesn’t make any anti-bodies, he struggles with bowel issues, especially in the morning, which has caused us to delay or miss many social engagements. He is often unable to leave the house in the morning, and he is sometimes overwhelmed with fatigue.

The InvisAble ME – YES, I am still ABLE to do many things. I choose to live my life focusing on my ABILITIES rather than my inabilities.

Since my dementia diagnosis, I have blossomed into an individual only God could have created. I am an International Speaker on Strategies for Living Well with Dementia, a blogger, a leader, a board member, and a dementia advocate. I have organized and/or hosted over 400 discussion groups for people living with dementia, had media presence with New York Times, AARP, PBS, South Africa Times, and many others. I am involved in scholarship fundraising, website overhaul, constituting manuals, co-editing training material, and much more. I AM LIVING – I AM ABLE to do many things.

The InvisAble Roy – it is afternoon, his morning “issues” are gone; I am watching Roy out the window now as he digs a ditch and hauls rock and dirt! I have watched him building the walls on our garage and build a floor in the attic. I still marvel over that beautiful physic! Boy is he strong and handsome! Six days a week, he is free to do as much as he can. It’s only Tuesday that he has limits because of the infusion pump. He still gets tired, but looking at him now, you wouldn’t know it.

We are both a product of an invisible disease. Looking at us today, as Roy works outside and I write this, you would most likely question our diagnosis – until you know the rest of the story.

We are a product of what we push ourselves to be and how we choose to think and live.

In this life, we all have the choice to make the most of every day regardless of what our visible or invisible conditions are. When the doctor says our days are numbered, we decide what we want those last days to reflect.

As for Roy & me, we will continue to make a positive impact in any way we can for as long as we can; to help others, to enjoy life, to accept people for their abilities, and to laugh. Hopefully, this is how we will be remembered.

Love & Laughter,

Accepting Change

Like the waves hitting the beach, life is constantly changing and we are constantly changing with it.  Change is an inevitable part of life.  We develop, we age.   We laugh, we cry.  We dislike, we love.   And as our lives transform, we either try to deny or resist the change, take action to modify the change, and/or we embrace the transformation and work with (or through) it.

Although there are many things in our lives we can take control of, not all changes can be modified. Not all changes are welcome.   There will always be people, circumstances, occurrences and events that we don’t like and don’t want to have invade our perfect world.

For my husband Roy and I, the major changes came in the form of illness.  For me, it was a diagnosis of Early-onset Alzheimer’s and Frontal-temporal Degeneration.   For Roy, it was a diagnosis of Common Variable Immune Deficiency.  Both are life altering medical conditions that have and will continue to impact our plans, dreams and daily activities.

Throughout my life I have always believed in the power of a positive attitude and grasping each challenge as an opportunity.  My house, office and car were a collection of positive affirmations like “If I think I can or can’t – I’m absolutely right”, “If it’s to be, It’s up to me”,

“I have a choice – I can let my mind shape me or I can shape my mind” and many more.  Mahatma Gandhi’s famous quote outlines how beliefs shape destiny: “Your beliefs become your thought, Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become Your values, Your values become your destiny”.

Although positive thinking is not always easy, staying in the habit helped me to accept and often excel through some of my more difficult challenges.  However, when I was diagnosed with dementia, I found myself drifting away from a positive attitude.  I felt that I couldn’t change things and IT wasn’t up to me and I had NO choice. I felt my little engine that once could, had no control to make it up this hill of life. I was becoming sad and depressed.

After my self-inflicted pity party, I realized that I needed to accept my diagnosis and the changes it would bring and make the best of whatever time I could.  I found that the stress and worry of denial and non-acceptance was draining what energy I did have.

“Accept what you cannot change.  Change what you cannot accept”.  After a period of grief, anger, and denial, I began to seek my old self.  I found that once I accepted the changes my life was going to take, I began to appreciate the joy and beauty around me.  As my stress lessened – my confusion lessed and my energy level increased.  The more I embraced the change with a positive attitude, the more Roy and I were able to discover ways to reduce the amount of “dementia daze” (the state of confusion and disorientation) and the more I was able to feel joy again.

To me, embracing change means accepting that it is unescapable and with a positive disposition determining how to make the best of it.  Together, Roy and I are learning to embrace our challenges and modify our objectives and our life style. We are finding some of the things that trigger confusion and figuring out ways to overcome the hurdles that prevented me from enjoying life. “I can’t” has become “How CAN I”.

Yes, I still have challenges and days of confusion, disorientation, fear and emotions. However, most of my days are full of purpose and love.  While embracing the challenges of change, we are also embracing every moment with joy.

Love & Laugher,