Before getting diagnosed with dementia I would answer philosophical questions with pat biblical answers – questions such as why God allows suffering in the world. Now I see some of these questions in a whole new light.
The questions are no longer philosophical – – they are real. Why did God allow ME to suffer with dementia at only 55? Why did He do this to my family? How can He say He loves me yet allow me to suffer so much when He could have prevented it? I don’t want clichés or religious sounding answers.
Through my challenges and doubts, I have come to realize a few truths.
1. Our life is just a speck of light in eternity. So the pain I feel now doesn’t even amount to a pimple in the scope of the world and eternity.
2. God sent His Holy Spirit to comfort me. He said, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee” – that is showing He loves me. The Holy Spirit is not answering the burning why questions in a way I want them answered but He is comforting my soul. He has opened my eyes to see the world & people in a different way. I have experienced a new relationship with God, my husband, my family, and the beauty that surrounds me. Through dementia chat groups, I have experienced compassion with virtual friends that I never thought possible. To me, FB was a waste of time … now it is my support line.
How long has that Albino bird lived in our backyard? Maybe it just came, or maybe it’s been there for years and I never saw it? Another rare bird came for a short visit, a spotted fawn walked within 6 feet of me, two kinds of Hummingbirds, beautiful butterflies, an exotic bug – so many new things. Were they always here?
3. On this side of eternity I will never be able to answer why, but I do know God will sustain me through it. He will give me new beauty and love – as long as I am willing to look through His eyes. I try to find something to be thankful for everyday – something new.
4. There are two ways to ask “Oh God Why Me?” Why did God surround me with so much love & beauty? Why did He give me such a loving family? Why does He comfort me? As I look at all God has blessed me with in life, with a thankful heart I ask “Oh God Why Me” – what have I done to deserve this? “Oh God Why Me” really depends on the attitude that I want to portray in life. I choose to be joyful and thankful.
Written By Laurie Scherrer