Tag Archives: cry

Some Times You Just Have to Laugh!

I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it was a bad idea – – but I tried it anyway.

There are times when things go so wrong you just have to laugh. That was my evening last night.

The day started out fairly well. With the help of my alarms and lists, I had a very productive day. Three loads of wash – complete, clean the refrigerator – complete, find a ride Kitchen disaster_0001to take me to two appointments – complete. I felt so accomplished. And then . . .

Towards the late afternoon, I began to feel out-of-sorts. As my world became clouded and disoriented, and my speech was slow, I decided I was going to make dinner anyway. That’s where I went wrong! Lesson number one; how to ruin a perfect day – when you know your dementia symptoms are taking over stay out of the kitchen!

First let me say, I HATE cooking anyway. I call it “the dirty four letter “C” word”. I don’t have the knack for it and by the time I’m done, my kitchen looks like a war zone. Honestly, I’d rather change the oil on the car than “cxxk”. In 34 years of marriage I have not been able to escape the horrors of the kitchen. OK, I digress – back to the bad day.

While retrieving two eggs, I knocked a bottle of Italian Salad Dressing on the tile floor. This caused me to jump, tossing the two eggs in the refrigerator. One actually survived – the other, not so much! There was egg on all the condiments (ketchup, mustard, relish, salad dressing, horseradish, etc.). There was egg all over the racks, which of course seeped down to the next rack. There was egg on the door and egg on the floor (that could make a song). There was egg on me.

How I wish I could tell you my tale ended there, but no. As I began the process of cleaning out the refrigerator for the second time, the ketchup lid was not on tight, so I added some ketchup to the other end of the kitchen – the floor, the sink and the cabinets.

Poo – “What’s that burning smell? Oh no! – Dinner!” Well done does not describe it! Looking around at the kitchen, which was covered with egg, ketchup and salad dressing. I called my sister and cried. Unfortunately, I did not heed her wisdom; “Stop crying, get out of the kitchen and let Roy clean it up.”  I didn’t want him to come home & see this mess!

Feeling totally overwhelmed and frustrated, I headed to clean the kitchen. Dementia symptoms often cause balance issues. When there is ketchup, salad dressing and egg on the floor – it’s just inevitable. BOOM! I slipped, knocked over the dog ‘s water and fell smack into the mess.

At which point my husband, Roy walks in the door, sees me on the floor – wet, wearing Ketchup, dressing and egg. And simply says: “Oh, you’ve been cooking again! I think I’ll put the groceries in the dinning room for now.”

What he did then really made the difference! He pulled out a towel, sat next to me on the floor, gave me a hug and said; “Oh by the way, I decided to pick up a Stromboli so you don’t have to cxxk tonight!” We just burst out laughing. We laughed and we laughed until, yes I started to cry! I cried with laughter and happy tears over how blessed I am to have him as my husband.

Cleanup took awhile, but we got it done. Today, I see last night in slow motion, I see the egg flying through the refrigerator, the ketchup splatting all across the room and my wonderful husband holding me and making me laugh. I love you honey!

Love & Laughter,   Laurie

Written By Laurie Scherrer

© Copyright 2015 Laurie Scherrer

Last Night I Wept

Last night I wept.  I wept with an uncontrollable cry that consumed my throat, my heart and my gut.  Wrenching from me the feelings of guilt, loss and fear that have been held inside and stripping away every ounce of joy and hope.  I wept for the loss of my plans and dreams for life. I wept because I know I am no longer what or who I was and am afraid of not being able to control the evolving me.  I wept for loosTear is made up of.ing my freedom to get into the car and go & do whatever/whenever. I wept for the lost memories that now are only photographs to me. I wept for the financial burdens this has brought. I wept for my family and the changes they will have to make and the challenges they will have to endure.

There was no consoling me for there was no comfort for the overwhelming grief of what was and what is to come. I wept until my shaking body gave in to exhaustion and I drifted to sleep.

Dementia (Alzheimer’s, FTD, LBD, etc.) doesn’t just happen over night. It slowly robs us of our past, our present and our future. Bit by bit taking away the person we were as it slowly eats away our brain. I can longer be the Laurie I was. It has robbed me of the ability to have a successful career, entertain large groups, enjoy parties, drive to see friends or relatives, or even keep up with household tasks.

It would have been easier, if I didn’t have the transition of knowing what is happening to me. It is difficult seeing myself become less responsible and more dependent. It is frustrating when confusion takes over my ability to reason, think, communicate and comprehend. I am still Laurie, however I know by the way people treat me and by the way I react, I am different – I am changing. And at times I am afraid. And at times, I weep.

Today, I rejoice. The weeping is over, the day is new and I am so thankful for all the things I can still share and accomplish. I’m thankful I can laugh with Aunt Joyce while getting a manicure, and laugh with Roy over the beautiful colors of the huge bruise on my butt (fell on ice), and laugh with Becky over the ridiculously difficult puzzle I gave her. I’m thankful there is joy in the little things.

I’m sure my emotions will once again invade my happy space and require some grieving time, but not today. Today, I am going to laugh and enjoy all the beauty in my life.   Know any good jokes?

Love & Laughs,

Laurie

Written By Laurie Scherrer